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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What exactly is an FLR?

This is a post that I would like the comments and advice from you, my friends who know I am in a FLR. I have a lot of faults, however, I very much value honesty and in addition to wanting people to be truthful with me, I hold myself to the same standard and I am ashamed of myself should I not do that. So while I don't think it is necessary to drive down the street with a megahorn announcing that I am in a FLR and obviously I am not the Female, I have wondered how I would address the subject should it ever come up. I found out last weekend. We were at a charitable function and were seated with a couple that we had met before but did not know very well. At dinner the wife of the couple and my beautiful wife got on one of the beautiful ones favorite subjects. Antique shopping. In conversation my beautiful wife asked if the wife would like to go with her to the big annual antique show held in our state in April. This is a big show and draws people from throughout the New England area. Imagine our surprise when the wife turns to her husband and asked for his permission if she can go to the show. What? and the way she asked it was like she was a kid asking a friend's mother if Joanie could come out and play. We were taken aback. It did not help any when the husband told his wife that he would have to see how things stood at the time and he explained that he expected her to ask permission for things such as this and didn't I do the same thing? Well let me tell you, I did a little squirming in my panties (actually at that event I was wearing dull tighty whities. I should say. I considered several answers but I have to tell you I am a terrible liar and anyone could probably tell if I were lying so I bit the bullet. No, I said, I don't do that, my wife I said, is in charge and she does not have to ask my permission to do anything. I did say that we respect each other and discuss things but permission is not required. He then asked me if I had to ask permission and I told him honestly, yes I do.That statement took him aback and the conversation ended. I could tell that this was the end of any contact with these people (fine with me) and I felt good that I had been honest and the reward when we got home was very nice. So having thought this out, I am not ashamed that I am not the head of household. I am not ashamed that I am regularly spanked by my wife and there are things in our marriage that are not traditional and frankly many times the spanking is connected with sex. My first marriage was a traditional marriage and I was divorced. (ok, not all her fault) but it was very refreshing to tell it like it is. Don't know what you folks think about that would love to hear.


  1. Dana-
    Way to Go! I am very impressed. I know how difficult it may be for some to confess to the fact that we are in relationships where the Ladies are in charge. But your description of events was very elegant and is the way we would have handled it. And I agree with you that if there is no further contact with that couple, its their loss.

    In my case, I have no hesitation as over the years, I know that for me its the 'natural' way. And rather than feel shame about our relationship, I feel very proud of it.

    Being honest with ones self is so very important is so many ways and it appears that you maintained your own intregrity in the process. Perhaps you could elaborate more on your Wife's reaction.


  2. Dana, I am not in an FLR relationship either, but I am fascinated by those that are. I respect you for having the "guts" to live the way that is NATURAL for you and your wife. As I see it, in your relationship you are getting your needs met by one another!! That's the way it should be in any marital relationship! I used to have a problem with wives in control, but that's because I have seen evidence of emotional and mental abuse (hen-pecked husbands), not the consensual (one partner WILLINGLY GIVING "control" to the other, NOT one partner FORCIBLY usurping "power" from the other) type of relationship that you and your wife and others have! Now I simply almost "admire" the physically stronger man (in most cases) to "allow" the wife to take control of the relationship. Also there are many varieties of FLR relationships as you know (The more capable partner takes care of certain task-- the less capable partner is in agreement to that; there may be different types of "domination" exercised in the relationship; physical discipline may or may not be meted out; "torture" and humiliation may or may not be inflicted.). There is no "one size fits all." That having been said, there is absolutely no room for ABUSE of any type!!!

    Thanks for your blog. I read it every chance that I get!!


  3. Ken, it was a WOW moment. She told me that she couldn't love me anymore than she did at that moment and frankly, yes, it felt good, and the right thing to do.I only would have hurt myself not to be completely honest. She was not very impressed with this gentleman and said that her razor strop would work nicely on his backside. I am not speaking for the beautiful wife and maybe someday she will input a few of her thoughts but she has told me that the strongest men she knows are men who respect their women and can understand that the man is not always the best final judge.

  4. Dana:

    Way to go!!! there should be no shame in admitting that you're in an FLR relationship. Most of our friends know that my wife is in charge here, and I don't mind them knowing at all.
    I know that some of her girlfriends take advantage of this fact, which is fine with me, LOL. They try to get me in trouble all the time.
    The unfortunate thing is with my job, I really can,t announce it to the world, YET!!!

    Keep up the good work, and I hope you both meet another couple to play with one of these days.

  5. Dana:

    Kudos to you for telling it like it is. Honesty is usually the best policy. Your integrity is priceless. Good on you for keeping it intact.


  6. Dana, I'm impressed by your honesty and openess you describe here. I've never been in a position where I've had to asnswer direct questions about my flr but I'd like to think I was as straightforward in my reply. However I'm honest enough to admit that the way I've got around it in the past when the subjext is raised, is to joke about my Mistress being in charge. That way people can take it either way: either that think 'hmmm I bet she is,' or 'hmmmm, he was just joking.'